Struggling.

I thought I was better.

Its been a few weeks since I’ve seen my therapist.  When I scheduled my appointment, I honestly thought about canceling the session because things have been going so well.  I had been losing weight and exercising, doing things far out of my comfort zone, and feeling more confident about myself.

This week must be a sign that I should keep my upcoming appointment.  I am struggling at work, and actually fear losing my job.  I have not been sleeping well or eating well, and I haven’t had the energy to exercise.  I even canceled walking with my walking buddy this week because I was so exhausted.  Everything feels out of control.  My first reaction is to eat a bunch of junk food and sleep all day.  I know that will only make things worse.

Just in case, I started looking for jobs and it just made me even more sad.  I don’t want to find a new job.  I love my schedule and the fact that I can work remotely.  Plus, all of the jobs posted were the same: either very low pay or required driving into the city, which I hate.  I don’t feel like what I’m doing now is my dream job, so maybe this is a sign I need to start over. I have no idea what else I would like to do.  And that makes me sad too.

Here’s hoping tomorrow will be better.

Until next time….

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