Struggling.

I thought I was better.

Its been a few weeks since I’ve seen my therapist.  When I scheduled my appointment, I honestly thought about canceling the session because things have been going so well.  I had been losing weight and exercising, doing things far out of my comfort zone, and feeling more confident about myself.

This week must be a sign that I should keep my upcoming appointment.  I am struggling at work, and actually fear losing my job.  I have not been sleeping well or eating well, and I haven’t had the energy to exercise.  I even canceled walking with my walking buddy this week because I was so exhausted.  Everything feels out of control.  My first reaction is to eat a bunch of junk food and sleep all day.  I know that will only make things worse.

Just in case, I started looking for jobs and it just made me even more sad.  I don’t want to find a new job.  I love my schedule and the fact that I can work remotely.  Plus, all of the jobs posted were the same: either very low pay or required driving into the city, which I hate.  I don’t feel like what I’m doing now is my dream job, so maybe this is a sign I need to start over. I have no idea what else I would like to do.  And that makes me sad too.

Here’s hoping tomorrow will be better.

Until next time….

Social Anxiety

I have struggled with social anxiety for as long as I can remember.  As a child, I would become depressed when I noticed the first signs of fall because it meant the new school year was about to start.  The anxiety would begin slowly: What if I don’t get any classes with my friends?  What if I have to eat lunch alone?  I didn’t have a lot of friends to begin with of course, so these questions were very troubling.  Eventually these thoughts consumed me entirely.  Even now, almost 10 years after graduating from college, I still get a little sad when I see the leaves start to fall from the tress.

As an adult I find it pretty difficult to make friends, but I am trying.  In the past I would avoid social functions like the plague.  For me, avoidance isn’t going to help in the long run.  I am learning to say yes to possibilities, take more chances, and change my way of thinking when it comes to social situations.  Every little victory helps to boost my confidence.  Eye contact, a pleasant conversation with a stranger, etc.  It doesn’t matter how small the victory seems, it is still a victory.

One thing that really helps me is remembering that 99.9% of people have some sort of hang up about themselves.  Even the most outgoing social butterfly has insecurities.  For anyone having trouble with mental health issues: please know that you are not alone.  I went 30 years thinking that there was something wrong with me.  I’m learning to accept myself, flaws and all.  And I think you should accept yourself too ❤

Until next time…..cheers 😉

Living my Best Life

I have lost 27 pounds this year.  I have also gained 1 walking buddy for weekdays (one of my neighbors) and another walking buddy for weekends (my husband <3)  Eating healthy and making exercise a priority has really helped give me some of my confidence back.  I feel healthier, stronger, and have more energy to do the things that are important to me.

For a long time I avoided social situations because of my weight.  I was depressed, miserable, and ashamed of myself.  I had just moved to a new state with my husband and I knew no one–so I turned to food for comfort.  Before I knew it, I gained almost 100 pounds.  I would tell myself “once I lose weight I’ll try to meet new friends.”  Well that didn’t happen, and I just spiraled even more into a deep depression.  It took a long time, but I’m beginning to understand that weight should NOT dictate how I live my life.  I don’t have to wait until I have a Victoria’s Secret model body to go to a social event.  (Plus, Victoria’s Secret models don’t even have those bodies in real life!)

I also started counseling, which has done incredible things for me.  I learned how to identify some thought processes that were particularly damaging and how to correct my way of thinking. I didn’t realize it, but I was my own worst enemy.  I brought myself down more than anyone else ever could.

Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle.  There are times I miss workouts.  Sometimes I cave in and order pizza.  And dessert.  The difference now is that I refuse to give up.

I hope this helps someone out there.  Self love is so powerful.

Until next time….Cheers 😉

 

Meal Prepping

I have been experimenting with different meal prep varieties lately 🙂  It has been working beautifully for me, and I find myself staying on track and less tempted to eat out if I already have my food prepared and ready to go.


My normal breakfast is 1/2 cup of non-fat greek yogurt with frozen berries (berry blend from Kroger), 1 tsp of vanilla and 1 tsp of Splenda.  I usually prep my meals on Sundays, so when I wake up Monday morning the berries are not frozen anymore, and there is natural berry juice in the container to flavor the yogurt.  I really enjoy it!

My lunch this week is my “lighter” version of a burrito bowl, which is 4 oz lean ground turkey, 1/2 cup black beans, and 1 cup of frozen veggies (fiesta blend from Kroger).  When I heat up my food, I add a little shredded romaine, pico de gallo, and 1 teaspoon of Boathouse Farms salad dressing.  I think the flavor I use is Salsa Verde.  Sometimes I add 1/4 cup of shredded cheese 🙂

For dinner, I’m keeping it simple with 4 oz of baked chicken, 1/2 cup of roasted sweet potatoes, and 1 cup of frozen veggies (stir fry blend from Kroger).  I usually use about 2 tablespoons of Boathouse Farms Ranch salad dressing to dip my chicken in.

For dessert, I have been eating Larabars in two of my favorite flavors, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Chocolate Peanut Butter.  I break the bar in half and microwave it for 30 seconds, and then add 1 tablespoon of whipped cream to each half.  It’s not a brownie, but it leaves me satisfied enough not to run to the store for some sweets 🙂

If I get hungry, I have baby carrots and Wholly Guacamole’s 100 calorie cups, which is one of my favorite snacks!  I also really enjoy an apple with a laughing cow cheese wedge and some Kashi garlic pesto crackers.

As far as drinks, I drink water throughout the day, and have 1 large cup of coffee in the morning.  I have tried time and time again to drink my coffee black, but it’s just not happening.  Right now, I sweeten it with 2 tablespoons of Splenda and a splash of unsweetened almond milk.  After my Splenda runs out, I’m thinking of switching to Stevia since it’s supposed to be healthier.

Another thing that helps me is using clear containers.  I use the 2 cup glass pyrex containers for my yogurt and 32 ounce Glasslock containers for my lunches and dinners. I can open my refrigerator up and see everything, so that helps remind me that I worked hard to prep all of these meals, so I better eat them instead of ordering takeout 😉

I’m always on the lookout for cheap, easy, and healthy meals for the week.  If anyone has any suggestions please comment below 🙂

Until next time….

Cheers 😉